As a lawyer, my first disclaimer is this… this is not legal advice. It is information and opinion. My second disclaimer is that these are not family court/social worker sanctioned opinions. OK, now read on.
First, the basics.
If you are the higher earning spouse and have been married for any length of time, in many jurisdictions such as California (and other states), you may have to pay spousal support to your wife for at least half the length of the marriage if it was under 10 years. If your marriage was over 10 years, be prepared to pay spousal support indefinitely or at least for 10-15 years.
If you have children, and your wife gets primary or full custody, be prepared to pay your wife child support until your kids are 18 years old (or whatever the legal age is in your state or country). You have no control over how she uses that money. Support is generally based on the current lifestyle you and your spouse maintained before the divorce, so courts will generally apply a percentage of your income to support payments for at least some period of time.
If you are earning say, 100K per year, after spousal support, child support (1 child) and federal and state taxes, you may net about $30K. This is assuming your ex-wife (like mine) quit her job or was woefully underemployed. Imagine doing this for 10-15 years. Effectively your net income puts you below the legal poverty line in most developed nations. Congratulations, you are now a slave wage earner for your wife, her lawyers, and the government.
With this devastating financial calculus, why do Men continue to slave away at their jobs for their ex-wives and the government profiteering court system?
It is simple. Most men are too afraid to leave their jobs, worsen their financial situation and be in contempt of court orders or further deprivations from the legal system.
It is this fear which cripples and paralyzes Men to be slaves to their ex-wives and the system.
How do you break these bonds and become a free man?
You will need to be courageous and prepared for change. You cannot assume your current rut is the normal state of affairs. It is not and will never be. Keep telling yourself this.
1. What About My job?
This is the first question I am always asked. Men have a paralyzing fear of losing their jobs. This is natural and expected. Your ex-wife had no problem being unemployed or woefully underemployed and is getting by just fine. In fact she is collecting support from you. If your ex has any decent employment or education, you should be collecting support from her or at least using her true earning potential to offset the support she is collecting from you.
Don’t do anything that can be construed as purposefully leaving your work to avoid payments, but you are legally entitled to take time off, change your employment or become self-employed. Changed financial circumstances may help you reduce your payments. Are you are suffering from severe depression or other mental illness from your divorce? Even emotional, physical and financial abuse. In most states, you are legally entitled to take sick or personal leave if you have a legitimate reason. You may want to consider taking time off.
If you can be self-employed, do that. If you can live off your investments or savings for a while, do that. Go on social security or unemployment benefits if you have to for a year. Seek help from your friends, family and other Men in your support group. This is the first important step in freeing yourself from slave labor. If your job is simply too valuable, seek a transfer to another state, county or country. In today’s modern economy and liberal feminist age, there are countless legal, and socially accepted reasons for men to take leave from work or seek a transfer.
And remember, if you become the lower earning spouse, your ex-wife may have to to pay you spousal support. Just think how that will make her feel before she decides to use the court system on you again.
2. Won’t I Be Found In Contempt of Court or Will Her Lawyers Go After Me?
No law requires you to work if you cannot. You are entitled to explore ways to take leave of absence without running afoul of any rule or court order that says you are purposely not seeking employment. Divorce lawyers will say that the court can “impute income” if you are purposefully not working or underemployed. This can happen, but if you have a legitimate reason to be out of work such as health reason or you were “laid off” etc., there is no legal basis to impute income against you. Again, you should not avoid court orders, but look for legal ways to offset your income with your wife’s earning potential to minimize support payments if they are simply too much for you. Some of this preparation can be done before your divorce and may be more effective at that stage, especially if you are sharing custody and care of the children.
3. What About My Kids?
If your wife hasn’t completely turned your kids against you and you desire to see your kids regularly, then consider seeking full or primary custody. In most states, this will require you to show that it is in the “best benefit of the children”. Since she is bat-shit insane, you may be able to prove this in court. Save evidence of your ex-wife’s insanity. Show the court she has been abusive to you and the children.
If you have already had to turn over your house to your wife, consider that she has already taken your primary residence and your kids are well sheltered. In any event, if you have followed step 1, your ex-wife should get off her ass, work or collect state welfare — the same system that enslaved you to begin with. By all means, take care of your kids, but don’t blindly expect that your ex-wife is using those funds for their care. You can even create a legal trust for your children and fund it yourself.
Can I Leave the State/Country/County Where My Ex Lives?
Most Men I talk to are too afraid to do this. But why? Your employment skills are transferable in most other regions. You should of course abide by any court order and not be in arrears on any payments. But if you need to move and have a desire to start fresh somewhere, this is an option. Seek modification of your spousal/child support orders based on your changed circumstances and employment.
If you are suffering because of unreasonable spousal and child support payments, there is no excuse as a Man to be a slave to the system. You should and can find legal ways to hold your ex-wife financially and legally accountable. By doing this, you are doing all Men a favor. Eventually when the system fails to hold you as a man-slave to your ex-wife, it will no longer be profitable or useful to feminists.
*As with all legal commentary or information, please consult with an attorney in your jurisdiction before taking any action. This is editorial article where the author is expressing opinions and not providing legal advice.